After Quasimodo's death, the Bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.  The Bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
 
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day. Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
 
The Bishop was incredulous. "Sacre bleu - you have no arms!'
 
'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe!'
 
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The Bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
 
But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
 
The stunned Bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before..
 
As they silently parted to let the Bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man ?'
 
'I don't know his name," the Bishop sadly replied,"....... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL!"
 

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Has it really come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform." 

 
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah.
The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"