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Updates

Kosherpages Updates

March 05 Kosherpages launches 

December 05 - KP goes national.

June 06 - KP launches business networking events

January 07 - 1st B2B tradeshow

January 08 - 1st Kosher Lifestyle Show

August 08 - Parent & child networking event at the Odeon Manchester

September 08
- Launch of new film review section

September 08 - KP announces The Fed as chosen charity for this year

November 08 - Launch of new Medical Blog By Dr. Martin Harris

March 09 - Kosher Lifestyle Show Manchester

March 09 - Launch of The Kosher Brochure

May 10 - New Owners of KosherPages

June 10 - New look KosherPages

July 10 - KosherPages expands to include Jewish communities nation wide

July 10 - Pick of the Week is introduced to KosherPages - A joke, a quote, a Dvar Torah and more

August 10 - KosherPages now has a Facebook group - come and join us!

November 10 - Your health matters is added to KosherPages

November 10 - New addition to KosherPages - Kosher Fitness column

January 11 - KosherPages introduces "Your Pix" to Pick of the Week

July 11 - Safety First section is added to KosherPages

November 11 - The KosherPages Facebook group reaches 1,000 members

November 11 - KosherPages introduces the monthly competition

March 12 - KosherPages introduces new style "Shabbos Times & More" email. Click here to subscribe.

 

 

 

Do you have a joke you would like to share on KosherPages?

If so we would love to include it, please use our contact form to send it through to us.


Prank call!

Thursday, 15th February 2018

A Chassideshe Guy Calles Up Some Company

and Trys to contact his friend Chaim Mordche Brecher.

The Jewish Chassid Cant Spell.

Its a really funny jewish prank call. 

Click here to listen to the call.

Work!

Thursday, 8th February 2018

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

It's the tortoise life for me!

Thursday, 1st February 2018

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of my weight, I rapidly realized that I don't really care two hoots!

It's the tortoise life for me!

1.  If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3.  A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4.  A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to exercise??  I don't think so.

The new zookeeper!

Thursday, 25th January 2018

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.  First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.  
 
As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
 
Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
 
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
 
He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.  What can he do?  Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything.
 
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
 
He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees.  As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. 

He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.  By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.
 
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.  He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"
 
The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

The argument!

Thursday, 18th January 2018

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first."I'm wrong," she said. 
 
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!".

Get together ...

Wednesday, 10th January 2018

A visit to the zoo!

Monday, 1st January 2018

An Israeli is on vacation and is visiting a zoo in the States when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. 

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. 

The Israeli runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the Israeli brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. 

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says to the Israeli:  'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 

The Israeli replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really.  The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right..' 

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page ...  So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' 

The Israeli replies, "I serve in the Israeli army and I vote for the Likud.' 

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the Israeli buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
RIGHT-WING ISRAELI  ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

The last meal

Thursday, 28th December 2017

Antonio, Jacques, and Chaim are about to be executed and they are offered to choose their last meal. 
Antonio asks for a Pepperoni Pizza which he is served. Immediately following the meal he is executed. 
Jacques asks for Boeuf Bourgignon which he is served. He too is then promptly executed. 
Chaim requests a plate of strawberries. 
"Strawberries?" 
"Yes," replies Chaim, "strawberries." 
"But they are out of season." 
"Nu, so…… I'll wait . . . ."

Potato

Wednesday, 20th December 2017

Chanuka Jokes

Wednesday, 13th December 2017

 

Stan and John are walking to school one day and Stan is describing his new Playstation 2 to John. "Where did you get that?" John asked "I got it last night for Hanukkah," said Stan. "What''s Hanukkah?" John asked.

"It''s the Jewish holiday where we get presents every night for eight nights to celebrate the festival of lights."

"Wow, I wish we got that!" John exclaimed. The next day on the way to school John runs up to Stan, curious to see what he got. He sees that Stan is upset, "What''s wrong? Where''s your present from last night?" asks John.

Stan holds up a ball of crumpled wrapping paper, "It was leftovers night."

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