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Kosherpages Updates

March 05 Kosherpages launches 

December 05 - KP goes national.

June 06 - KP launches business networking events

January 07 - 1st B2B tradeshow

January 08 - 1st Kosher Lifestyle Show

August 08 - Parent & child networking event at the Odeon Manchester

September 08
- Launch of new film review section

September 08 - KP announces The Fed as chosen charity for this year

November 08 - Launch of new Medical Blog By Dr. Martin Harris

March 09 - Kosher Lifestyle Show Manchester

March 09 - Launch of The Kosher Brochure

May 10 - New Owners of KosherPages

June 10 - New look KosherPages

July 10 - KosherPages expands to include Jewish communities nation wide

July 10 - Pick of the Week is introduced to KosherPages - A joke, a quote, a Dvar Torah and more

August 10 - KosherPages now has a Facebook group - come and join us!

November 10 - Your health matters is added to KosherPages

November 10 - New addition to KosherPages - Kosher Fitness column

January 11 - KosherPages introduces "Your Pix" to Pick of the Week

July 11 - Safety First section is added to KosherPages

November 11 - The KosherPages Facebook group reaches 1,000 members

November 11 - KosherPages introduces the monthly competition

March 12 - KosherPages introduces new style "Shabbos Times & More" email. Click here to subscribe.




Do you have a joke you would like to share on KosherPages?

If so we would love to include it, please use our contact form to send it through to us.

The plane crash

Friday, 22nd June 2018

An airplane was about to crash, there were 4 famous passengers on board but only 3 parachutes left.

The first passenger said, "I'm LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player there is. My fans need me. I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Donald Trump said "Out of my way. I'm the new President of the USA and I'm going to be the greatest and cleverest President in American history." So he quickly grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger was the Pope and he turned to the fourth passenger, a Lubavitcher Rabbi and said, "I am old, frail and don't have many years left. As a good Catholic, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The Rabbi turned to him and said: "Thank you but it's really OK.... there are enough parachutes for both of us. America's greatest and cleverest President has just taken my Tallis bag."

What food is bad for you?

Thursday, 14th June 2018

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. 
Red meat is awful. 
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. 
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. 
High fat diets can be disastrous.
None of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. 
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' 
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Being there...

Wednesday, 6th June 2018

Sophie had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. 
Yet Hymie, her husband, had stayed by her bedside every single day. One day, when Sophie came to, she motioned for Hymie to come nearer. As he sat by her, she whispered, eyes full of tears, 
"You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times... 
When I got fired from my secretary’s job, you were there to support me. 
When my first hairdressing business failed, you were there. 
When I got knocked down by a car, you were by my side. 
When we lost our dear Jonny, you stayed right here. 
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... 
You know what?" 
"What dear?" Hymie gently asked, smiling as his heart began to fill with warmth. 
"I think you bring me bad luck."  

Last meal

Wednesday, 30th May 2018

Antonio, Jacques, and Chaim are about to be executed and they are offered to choose their last meal. 
Antonio asks for a Pepperoni Pizza which he is served. Immediately following the meal he is executed. 
Jacques asks for Boeuf Bourgignon which he is served. He too is then promptly executed. 
Chaim requests a plate of strawberries. 
"Yes," replies Chaim, "strawberries." 
"But they are out of season." 
"Nu, so…… I'll wait . . . ."

Ryan Air

Thursday, 24th May 2018

Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair (who have just announced a £1.3B profit for the last year), after arriving in a hotel in Dublin, went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. 

The barman nodded and said, "That will be €1 please, Mr. O’Leary." 

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6pm until 8pm. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland".

"That is remarkable value", Michael comments. 

"I see you don't seem to have a glass” said the barman “So you'll probably need one of ours. That will be €3 please". 

O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.

"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra €2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you only €1. But I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please".

Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame". 

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of €4 for your seat sir". O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. 

"I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another €3." 

O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be €2 please." 

O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" 

"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary." 

"I've had enough! What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!" 

"Here is his E-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of €1 per second". 

"I will never use this bar again". 

"OK sir, but remember, we are the only hotel in Ireland selling pints of beer for €1”.

Netta Nyahu

Thursday, 17th May 2018

Well done to Netta Barzilai

and to Israel on winning the Eurovision song contest 2018!

A Life!

Wednesday, 9th May 2018

Wireless Technology!

Tuesday, 1st May 2018

Be careful what you wish for!

Thursday, 26th April 2018

A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' 

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. 

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' 

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.! 

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... 

The husband became 92 years old. 


The moral of this story: 

Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female...... 

Lottery winners

Wednesday, 18th April 2018

A Jewish couple in London won twenty-million pounds in the lottery.

They immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves  with all the material wealth imaginable.
They decided to hire a butler. They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and brought him back to their home.
The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set up the dining table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens to lunch.

The couple then left the house to do some shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for six.
Perplexed, they asked the butler why it was set for six when they had expressly asked him to set it for four.
The butler replied,"The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes.


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